Heard.

I've had great ideas for posts. Really. I've had the intention of posting. Really. But ya know, life gets in the way and before you know it, its almost Halloween. Does this really surprise anyone? Highly unlikely given my track record. Anyways, on to bigger and better things.

I've debated posting this. Sure its been on my mind lately, but is it really something I need to post in cyberspace (since maybe two people will ever read it anyways)? Here I am. If your not in the mood for useless rambling, feel free to check back in a few weeks for a better post. Here I go.

I've learned a lesson lately. Well, perhaps its more like retaught, or reiterated, but I guess its all the same. My lesson was in comparing.

Time and time again we talk about comparing ourselves to others in church, right? Don't compare your looks, body shape, intelligence, funness level, friends, ability-to-make-up-words level(see previous ;))... you get the idea, the list goes on. And on. And ON.

And I believe it. All of it. That we are unique, and that we are all God's children with a specific role. I believe that we are all different for a divine purpose, and that somethings that we compare naturally, just simply don't matter...And for the most part, I think I do okay with this concept. I try not to compare myself to harshly with those around me, but sometimes... I simply can't help it... I know where I come from and where I'm going, but it can be easy to be confused in the middle sometimes when there are so many distractions. During this last particular "comparison spell" I just felt like my mission/purpose in life, wasn't as grand or important as everybody else's. Ridiculous thought, I know, because everyone has an important mission in Heavenly Father's plan. But still. That's how I felt. And it stunk.

I never doubted that Heavenly Father loved me, no that truth has been deeply written in my heart many times, but I just felt like I wasn't as close to Him as I have been before, and I missed it. A lot. And I knew that my judgement of myself was being seriously clouded because God simply doesn't make anything to be insignificant.

Usually when I feel like this, I pray. So I did. I felt bad for feeling down about everything, like I was acting rather ungrateful for the many blessings and opportunities I've been given, but I know that I needed something to boost me up. I prayed for forgiveness for seeming ungrateful, and I prayed that I would feel peace, content and happy about what is in store for me. And I hoped. I once again read my patriarchal blessing and the scriptures some, and it helped, but I still felt... I don't know how to describe it, but like it was left not completely done.

A while back, when I had a similar experience like this, I went to my seminary class the very next day and had a lesson on exactly exactly what I had been pondering the night before. So I went to seminary thinking "ya, its gonna happen again!" Guess what? It didn't. Sometimes Heavenly Father likes to teach me patience. Wanna know a funny thing? We have had lessons on individual worth in Young Womens for a couple weeks now, shouldn't that be reassuring enough? But I guess that those lessons got the wheels turning. So I waited, and started to feel better.

Well a few days ago, low and behold, I went to seminary. Guess what we spent a bulk of the lesson on? Jealousy and comparing yourself to others. Perfect. In another lesson, or maybe it was the same one, we talked about prayers. If our prayers just weren't feeling as great as they should, then we should stop praying about us, but rather just starting talking about all the great things from that day that you're thankful for. I don't remember all that was said, I have a few notes tucked away, but I remember feeling that yes, someone is listening. And it felt good. The Holy Ghost is such an amazing gift, and I love when I can really feel Him there with me. And so I started to do that. And it felt good. Really really good.

Anyways, a few days past and on Sunday, low and behold, the lesson was on loving yourself and others. Bless my dear teacher, but this lesson was exactly what I really needed to hear. We talked about how you can't serve others when your constantly worried about the judgements of others and such. We didn't talk about anything new or all that profound. But when my teacher bore her testimony at the end, I felt the Spirit so strong. And it meant a lot.

I wasn't in the middle of a midlife crisis, or depressed or anything. But still, my prayer was answered multiple times and in multiple ways. It was like Heavenly Father was putting a big sign with flashing lights in front of me, almost like he was saying "Hey! This is really important and I don't want you to miss it!" I was just a girl having a more on the downside couple of days, but my prayer was heard, and I was given a gift. A truly wonderful gift. And I felt closer to Christ.

Now this experience isn't anything bizarre or super life altering, but it was a beautiful reminder to me of my purpose, but also the power we have to bless other's lives. My prayer was answered because a couple teachers decided to teach by the Spirit. And I'm grateful for them. Although I'm not a teacher who teaches a class everyday, I can live by the Spirit, and hopefully be there for someone else when they need it. Its the simple things right? Opening doors, asking someone how their day has been, looking out and trying to be perceptive of how others might be feeling (this is one I could especially work on).

Anyways, sorry this is so long. And if you made it to the end congrats :) You deserve it. This blog may be just the ramblings of some random teenage girl, but its a release. Anywho.. hopefully more posts will follow this one... We'll see ;)